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Keep it simple. I'm kinda stoned.

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Bestseller

Jesus is coming. Look busy.

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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, an

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Coffee! A lovely, warm alternative to hating every

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You use a wine stopper? That's adorable.

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A woman's place is in the resistance

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I Can't Believe I still have to protest this fucki

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This salad tastes like I'd rather be fat

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Exercise?! I thought you said Extra Fries!

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Sorry I misunderstood you, but in my defense, I wa

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Let that shit go. (Buddha)

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If drinking on the front porch counts then, yes,

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I don't know where I'm going from here, but I pro

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Kindness. It doesn't cost a thing. Sprinkle that s

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My decision-making skills closely resemble those o

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I love you this much

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Step aside coffee. This is a job for alcohol!

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If you're always trying to be normal, you will ne

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Agree to disagree is where you both just decide th

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Strong People Stand Up for Themselves, but Stronge

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I hate being bipolar. It's awesome!

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I fucking love cocaine

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GRAMMAR the difference between knowing your shit a

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Fuck this shit. I'll be a stripper.

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