I’m assuming you’ve picked up this book because you’re either curious about having kids, you’re currently up the duff, or you’re stumbling through the early days of parenthood with a mattress-sized sanitary towel between your legs wondering what the hell has just happened. That, or you’re killing time in WHSmith, waiting for your flight to Ibiza. You lucky bastard.

Either way, this book is your pregnancy, birth and postpartum BFF.

Welcome to Motherhood, Bitches is your one-stop, no-filter guide to everything from swollen vulvas and dinner-plate areolas; from shitting in labour to the horror of postpartum haemorrhoids; from mindless sleep deprivation to salvaging a sex life when your pelvic floor has hit the floor. But mainly, it’s a reassuring reminder that feeling slightly (or shockingly) out of control with a newborn baby human is entirely normal…we promise.